Jerome Orleans

The maker of Q Tips could instantly double profits by only putting the cotton on one end of the stick. People would catch on quickly when they use the cotton end, then try to use the other end and say, "damn, that hurts, hand me another Q Tip!"

it would be pretty funny if someone found a finger in a Subway sub and they could change their slogan to "eat flesh."

why is it that advertisers feel the need to market their small electronic devices to people who ride subways or trains? what percentage of the american population really travels this way? perhaps they should be advertising their music playing devices to, say, a dude who likes to listen to music.

I'm pretty sure the graham cracker companies would be out of business if it weren't for s'mores. While marshmallows and chocolate can survive on their own, the graham cracker is really out of luck without the other two. I would guess that the marshmallows and chocolate realize this and regularly make fun of the graham cracker. He's like the guy who's only cool because he tricked some dumb hot girls into hanging out with him.

Since it's summer, there are tons of commercials on TV where the setting is an outdoor picnic. The commercials feature all of the good things about barbeques... pools, laughing, story telling, flip flops, hawaiian shirts and frisbee throwing.

Except in this commercial tonight, there was a guy swatting a mosquito on his leg. And the commercial wasn't for bug spray or anything like that. The only thing I can think is that the commercial's creator secretly hates cookouts.

Dear people who invented email,

Thank you for your neato invention. I have a question about what the hell you were thinking.

As you know, email "forwards" are all the rage. The whole idea is that a ton of people read the forwarded emails. However, reading becomes extremely difficult when an email looks like this:

>>>>>he said to the person who was
>walking in the other direction
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>and minding his own
>>>>>business.

Sincerely,
Guy who hates those stupid arrows

I'm watching the NBA finals, and it is truly absurd how tall the players are. Basketball just draws in people of ridiculous dimensions. What if other sports were like this?

--Soccer players all have size 16 feet
--Volleyball players all have hands the size of tennis rackets
--Tennis players all have arms that each stretch half the width of the court
--Hockey players all have bodies large enough to fill the space in front of a goal
--Baseball players all have arms the size of tree trunks (Bonds and McGuire got this message a while ago)